I need something Bigger than a marriage...- s’Aisa

Disclaimer: I’ve NEVER been married....these are JUST my thoughts after observations. Please don’t react off of my rants! Now...walk with me

So for the past couple of weeks, I have been discussing marriage and what it entails with married folks of various genders. Such eye opening convos that have left me floored and pondering on whether I want to take that leap. So do I? Hell yes....but I will need something bigger than marriage. See marriage is something you can get out of quickly and jump into with a quick scribble of your name. A life partnership is deeper and bigger.

I’ve seen marriages fall apart over big and little things. It’s scary how someone you vowed to be with can turn into a stranger off of a judges decree. Supposedly in some marriages partners drift apart. One evolves and the other stays stagnant and it causes a drift. But isn’t it about growing together?!? Did one person not get the memo that they were moving on up?! I have heard complaints about Men not being Men and leading the family like they should. Honestly traditions and roles are outdated. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for following and standing by my man, but I would rather be beside him not behind. There has to be a balance in which we both can be leaders at some point in time. Some complain about differences in family life. That’s why you have to know who you are marrying into. I‘m a package deal so if you can’t get along with my folks, I’m not sure how it’s gonna work.

To live an absolute blissful life with my partner, I must remember and cherish the idea that we can’t possess people, but experience them. This makes all the difference. It will dictate what I truly give energy and time to. My partner and I will have flaws, but I don’t want to waste precious time criticizing each other. I know I talk too damn much lol. But what does telling me this daily do for me or us? Nothing!! I ain’t changing! I came out the womb saying Hello! I will however work hard to limit the amount I bombard you with daily. If it’s something you do that annoys me, I’ll address it once and see if we can modify it. I just don’t see the point in tearing the person I chose to be peaceful with down.

We must have a partnership. I see your dreams just as vividly as I see mine. This is easy for me because I’m a teacher. We invest in someone’s dream everyday when we shop, so it takes nothing to invest energy into each others. Where my boo lacks, I help him build. I don’t give it to him, I show him how to achieve it on his own. If it works out yay. If not, let’s move on to the next thing. Things like that take vulnerability to the next level. If you can’t be in that space with each other, why be together.

We must have separate identities apart from us. In a relationship I’ll start off needy. I’m a woman lol. But once we are in our groove and I feel secure, I’ll let you be great. I need to have time away to miss you. This time away also allows us to grow. We can’t find ourselves in each other. Nor can we find happiness. In Michelle Obama’s book she said that she needed to find herself in the midst of her husband. True jewel right there. If you lose yourself you begin to rely on y’all. Get it? I’m not saying I’m taking breaks from him, because that ain’t going down. Maybe a trip here and there for self care lol.

Communication is a must. Not holding no shit in for days and blowing it out of proportion. If something is in the air..explore it. I tell men now when they hurt my feelings. When I don’t like something. And when I do like stuff. Affection is a form of communication. It’s how you express yourself. Hugs, Kisses, etc say a lot when needed.

I want a love that last through the week. When I hate life, because sometimes shit is tough. When I threaten to quit my job. When I think everyone is against me. I want the love that will help me with my hair, hold tissue to my nose, and hold me when I’m most annoying. I want to do the same with them. Ain’t no outs but death. Nobody is folding just because shit gets rough. And even in death I’m counting down the days till we are back together. That kind of love is a beautiful disaster. Magic and myth. But it’s possible...anything is possible.