Charlotte treated marriage like a sorority she was desperately hoping to pledge-Carrie Bradshaw

There's a club of Amazing Women that share experience in house management, cooking, family planning, and paths of marital bliss and woes. The club is free but the thing is you kind of have to be put in it by a Man. For as long as I could remember this particular club has been on my annoying list of things to do before age 25, then 28, then 30, now 35. I know I am not the only person who has added it to their vision board, seeing prospective dates as "The One" to fill the spot. Let's just say this idea and desire was once pure until it wasn't. It became one of the things I wish I had and grew envious of anyone who achieved it before me. Kind of like a rat race where after I would hear about a new engagement, I would immediately wonder what was wrong with me!

I've watched Sex and The City too many times to know that the paths each of my girlfriends and I will have, when it comes to finding love, will definitely be different. I'm not shallow at all, loathing their happiness. But I admit, shit really makes one think about life when they aren't being picked. Like Carrie, I have had my fair share of love. I've had the Big love where we constantly try being together in different seasons only to disappoint and entertain someone else in the end. The Aidan love that comes and saves my bruised ego when the Big love crushed me. The Berger love who wanted me to be silent and resented my success but still found a way into my heart, and of course due to traveling...I have come across a lot of Aleksandr Petrovskys lol.

In the midst of all of this, I've lost my definition of what a relationship and love looks and feels like for me. I have been so busy trying to make sure that someone was there, that I only show up half way. In trying to get to know these men, I've lost interest in who I am. My evolving went unnoticed with every kiss and broken promise passed between us both. Not to mention how society, family and friends made me feel. Somehow at 33 I have obtained two degrees, a successful career as an Educator, traveled to many amazing places, but still don't have a family of my own. It's like all my other substantial accolades are overlooked because I lack a husband and kids.

There is nothing more embarrassing than having to explain to those you love that the guy who was at the family event is no longer in your life because he cheated and conceived another baby with a stranger. I literally have stories for days. He's not there to be questioned, so of course all eyes and questions fall on me. Those questions resonate to You doing something wrong in the relationship which is why He cheated in the first place. Who the hell really wants to go through that???

Or you can have your circle of friends who are baffled as to why you are still single! They find reasons why you can't get or keep a man, blaming it on travel, not getting out enough, being picky, or just not opening yourself up to new opportunities. You can only imagine how many sit downs I have endured with people examining my life because there has to be a reason why I'm headed towards a single life as a cat lady lol. It becomes something you think about nonstop asking yourself....seriously though what is wrong with you. Am I not beautiful, smart, personable, relate-able, cultured, and well traveled? Does my breath stink or is my voice annoying?

Once you are really fed up you change perception. It doesn't happen overnight, and you have to literally talk yourself out of darkness. You realize that nothing is wrong with you. You begin to slowly look at yourself and see that nothing is missing and whoever comes along will not complete you but compliment you. Sometimes affirmations and pep talks are the only thing that is going to get you out the bed. You gotta smile and hype yourself up in the mirror like Issa Rae every chance you get because YOU determine YOUR happiness. Manifesting dope shit and love will become a routine and it will reveal itself to you. To all my single girls I leave you with a couple of gentle reminders. Busy yourself with yourself. Take yourself on dates. Go on solo trips. Go to the gym. Have self care days. Most importantly never forget to fall in love with yourself first.