A Grandmother is a little bit Parent, a little bit Teacher, and a little bit Best Friend...

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I could lie and say that my Nana is perfect, but what's the point in that? To be honest she is far from perfection...but she's mine. Today I had the pleasure, pain at first, of watching my Nana. I jokingly title it "Nana Daycare". My grandmother has Dementia and it has progressed rapidly over the course of years. This year has been incredibly hard on my Mother who is her primary caregiver, so I am always happy to lend a hand. With a sabbatical, you have an extreme abundance of time to reflect and reflect and reflect some more. I did all of that today.

Now before you start feeling sad, let me first start off by saying that Dementia does not define my Nana's life. I will not let it silence her or diminish her light created on this earth. It sucks big time. It's a crippling disease that reminds us all that life is a full circle and tables actually do turn. Most days are bad. She doesn't know who we are, gets frustrated, acts ridiculous towards help, argues with my mother, refuses to let me bathe her, has sun downing spells, and does unsanitary things when alone. Shits literally nerve wrecking. Do we have patience for it? NOOOOOOOOO!!!! How could anyone who isn't a professional have patience to deal with this? I'm a Teacher and find myself ready to cry and scream daily. The most hurtful part of it is that there is no blue print for how to deal with it. Each person is different. You really never know what to expect. She can have a day where she sleeps all day and is super nice and peaceful, but then on another occasion she's cursing and refusing to allow me to touch her plate in public.

This disease requires a Village, and unfortunately we don't have that. There is help sometimes, but my Mother takes on full responsibility. Being away from home for years I would have to listen to her vent about my Nana. Honestly nothing really stuck out because I wasn't dealing with it hands on. I would just think that she was over-exaggerating a tad bit of the details to get the point across. Shocked the fuck out of me my first real night dealing with her by myself. Hats off to any caregiver. The amount of attention, lack of sleep, sacrifices, and selflessness one has to give is admirable. My Nana had me up the night before Thanksgiving at 3 am because she refused to go to sleep and had an accident. Can you imagine trying to clean up someone, the bathroom, and take laundry to the basement. I almost lost my shit. Adults are the worst patients so just imagine someone who is suffering from a brain disease.

Once I arrived home, I had to find the silver lining. I made all these luxurious plans for us to live like Thelma and Louise. A girl and her Nana on the road ready to take over life. However none of those adventures took place. Sensory overload is a major problem for her. She can't deal with a lot of people and noise. She doesn't like to talk on the phone, and has to have a set schedule. She goes to Adult Day Care during the day but once she is home she is ready for bed. So boring...dreams shattered...plans gone. I had waited all my life to get in a position to hang out with my Lady, and now she doesn't even recognize or enjoy me. This feeling is hard to describe...It's kind of like mourning someone who is still living.

Today however a spark was reignited. Though it was faint, the shit glowed. While I was doing my chores for the day, I demanded my Nana sit in the living room with me so I could keep an eye on her. We watched a movie, Sex and the City, and then The Cosby Show. She laughed at the funny parts, showed disdain for Samantha's sex scenes and danced to the music with the Huxtables. I savored every moment of it. She was actually present and I was able to ease back down memory lane. You see my Nana is my Bestfriend. For as long as I could remember, she has been there. She's rude, opinionated, and prideful. Those attributes helped me through many tough times, leaning on her strength as woman to face the demons in my day. I would never give up during trials because she made sure I knew that trouble don't last always and God was always there.

Though her approach may be deemed as cold, it has warmed and guided me through many paths I have come across. Fearlessness is what I see when I look at her. She never learned to drive but was able to raise her children and grandchildren with the help of public transportation. Cleanliness is top priority because she made sure we never entered the kitchen without a clean face and fresh breath. I believe in the power of love because of her. She was able to reconnect with a high school sweetheart and moved back to Alabama to have more time with him. She kept us in church which is why I believe I have a strong relationship with God. And most importantly, without her financial assistance, College would not have been smooth for me. My original Independent lady is a major part of my existence and her legacy will reflect that. This disease may have claimed her mind....but her strength still exists. I now have hope for the future...making sure that I'm present in this journey she is facing. She may not know who we are, but she'll know she's not alone in this. May these words find comfort to anyone who is in a similar situation. Find ways to connect and vent when needed. Just make sure you are present...